anxiety & body image

for most of my life

my mind has not been a safe place to land

it has been loud...

relentless...

a constant stream of not enough...

too much...

fix this...

hide that...

you are almost… but never quite...

even now

80 pounds gone

and still

the voice does not celebrate

it scans.

it critiques.

it catastrophizes.

it turns a moment into something to survive...

instead of something to live...

this is the part people do not see...

how hard it is

to stay in the present...

when your own thoughts are pulling you apart

and still,

something in me has chosen differently

in small ways...

quiet ways...

i have softened my grip.

i have surrendered and then surrendered some more.

and slowly...

through the noise,

a truer image is breaking through

not perfect.

not finished.

but real

because the transformation is not just the weight

it's:

i want to see myself.

i want to know myself.

i am no longer hiding from my own reflection.

the body that once felt like a prison

is becoming a place i can sit in...

breathe in...

learn from.

and even here

inside the tension,

inside the rewiring...

there is gratitude.

there is growth.

and maybe,

just maybe...

i am learning

to like myself

as much as i have fought

to love myself